one. it is of course a reflection of what is in my mind that I find you in the movies I watch, the books I read, the places I visit, your name and face and hair and smile and hell, you were even in my coffee today I swear.
two. it would be quite nice to jump in a blizzard; i feel like it might be a little less cold in there.
three. you know when you said you weren't going anywhere and yes you only meant in terms of my paranoia whilst i turned around to do something else but what the hell were you thinking, could that have been more misleading?
four. two cats sat on a wall together were all snuggled up and looking at me with their evil seductive cat eyes saying ha, we are in love and we are only cats and yes it might be shallow because he smells good and I have soft fur but look this is happiness and yours is not.
five. you are still there somewhere. you are still sitting just like me at a computer screen but the difference is you don't care is that what makes me feel like this, your nonchalance because i'd quite like to slap you
six. i am hurt.
seven. sweet nothings and love and kisses and weren't we just perfect yes, i think so. perfect, love and happiness and those hundreds of thousands that sit on top of ice cream looking all innocent and bleeding their colour into your vanillaness.
eight. today people offered to take me out and i said no thanks, my pyjamas are calling I think they miss me.
ten. i had a journal and now it's more of a fire hazard because half the pages are ripped out and my nails are all bloody but the other half i keep holding next to the fire thinking i could innocently slip this in there and the pretty book would be ruined and warped but maybe it would burn my feelings with it, goodbye feelings.
eleven. Come Back Here, Young Man, You'd Better Pick Up This Mess You Left Behind, are you listening to me I SAID Right Now.
twelve. I hate loving you I love hating you. I miss you.